Dealing with depression

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Never judge a book by its cover!

In June this year I was diagnosed with depression, sitting in front of your GP breaking down and him turning to you and saying those words “I think you’re depressed” was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to hear. On hearing those words I instantly thought I was a failure. I was inconsolable in the doctors that day and I spent most of the rest of the day crying.

Depression was something I had never really understood at that point and no one close had really gone through it that I knew. I’d seen characters in films and on the television be diagnosed with depression but still if I honest didn’t take much notice of it.  If someone would have asked me this time last year what depression was I would have probably said “isn’t that when someone is really sad” I know that’s probably naive but that’s honestly what I thought.

On doing some research I found out that 350 million worldwide suffer with depression. In England 1 in 6 people suffer from some kind of mental health issues and 1 in 4 suffer from depression.

But why don’t people talk about it? I’ll be really honest to this point I haven’t really told a lot of people. I was so embarrassed and I honestly thought I was a failure on happy pills!! It wasn’t until a couple of months ago when I was talking to a Nurse about it that she said that I shouldn’t feel ashamed about been on anti-depressant medication. She said if I was poorly with tonsillitis or a chest infection I’d get prescribed tablets to help me with that. And that the doctor has given me my anti-depressant medication to help my brain.
Another reason I haven’t really told people is because I’d told someone back in July about depression and they didn’t believe me. They accused me of making the whole thing up, I was so hurt and so upset by it that for a while after I didn’t tell a soul. The reason that she said she didn’t believe me was because in her words “you have no reason to be depressed.” She thought that because I’d been on such an incredible weight loss journey losing 3.5 stone and turning my life around that I should be happy 24/7. Yes I was happy on the outside and I couldn’t have been prouder of myself for losing that weight and for falling back in love with exercise. However id been suffering in silence and I just felt like I had no one to turn too, I didn’t want to talk to my family or friends because I thought they’d think I was a drama queen and wouldn’t understand so for months I thought it would be easier to try and cope by myself.

I was so down all the time, I didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning, I didn’t want to socialise, I couldn’t sleep properly . I even had weeks where I couldn’t even bare training at the gym. I literally got out of bed went to work, came home and went to bed. People around me knew something was wrong  and kept asking me if I was okay to which  9 times out of 10 I would reply “I’m fine!" and cry. After a series of events that happened in my personal life, which I wish to remain private  I just couldn’t take anymore, it was almost like I was a champagne bottle and I was too full up and just had to pop! Back in June I was driving home from the gym, id had the worst day ever at work, I’d been told by my gym that my personal trainer had left, I was on my period, I was super exhausted, I had family issues going on and things got too much! I ended up driving to my Aunties as I’d had a massive panic attack, I knew it was a panic attack thankfully previous to that I hadn’t had one for ten years. I remember the day like it was yesterday, I couldn’t really talk, my blood pressure was sky high and I couldn’t stop crying. Luckily the week before id already called my GP to make an appointment not because I thought I was depressed. I actually had made the appointment to be asked to be referred to a counsellor to talk. As I said above I went to see my GP and was diagnosed with depression and prescribed anti-depressant medication which I take daily to help. 

How would I explain my depression! When I am having an off don’t even want to get out of bed, I lie there obsessing over all the mistakes I think I’ve ever made, replaying them over and over again. Its such a hard thing to explain but I end up winding myself up over the stupid little things like not being able to find my favourite pen instead of simply using another pen! I also start thinking the worst about every situation, for example I could have plans to meet a friend for coffee and he cancels because he has to work late, Instead of thinking that’s a shame maybe next week I start overthinking every situation and I convince myself that he isn’t working late his just saying that as an excuse and the truth is he doesn’t want to see because I’m a bad person! Paranoia creeps in and then I’ve gone from this one friend who I’ve decided doesn’t like me to everyone disliking me. I then get images of myself trapped in a room forever by myself. Or it could be that someone hasn’t text me back I start debating in my mind what I have done to them. This might sound stupid to some of you but this is real fears to me, I am not thinking what I think to be a drama queen. 

The worst thing that a person can say to someone “snap out of it” or “pull yourself together” It's not intentionally that I’ve felt like I’ve felt I don’t wake up in the morning and decide today is going to be a bad day. Sometimes we don’t want to talk about it, sometimes we want to change the subject and talk about something else. For me I don’t like being pressured into talking about my depression as sometimes I find it hard explain it myself. But one thing I would say is don’t judge a book by its cover just because someone looks happy and seems happy on the outside it doesn’t mean that, that’s how they are feeling on the inside! 

I really hope that more people will start talking about depression and mental health instead of been embarrassed. I understand why people feel that way as I did too but now I’m ready to share this with everyone and talk about it whenever is needed. 

One thing that has helped me is exercise, I find it  very therapeutic. The gym makes me feel so good, its really good for the endorphins that’s for sure. Now I am not say that the gym will help everyone with mental health issues but from personal experience it has such a positive affect. I know a friend who sufferent with anxiety earlier in the summer this year and he said that exercise really helped him and also motivational videos on you tube.  From the research that I have done on the two side by side I have only read positive links between them both.

On a personal note I find exercise helps for some of the following reasons:
·         Good distraction – put my head phones on blast out the tunes and just work away
·         My gym is such a happy friendly place
·         The gym makes me feel good
·         De-stresses me, I don’t think I’ve ever left the gym stressed. I always leave feeling calm and relaxed and like a weight has been lifted of my shoulders
·         Helps keeps me fit
·         Improves my health
·         Sleep better

I must admit I am still taking my anti-depressant medication, I am on the lowest dose which I take daily.  I have made such good progress since I’ve started taking them. I am feeling a lot better about myself and more in control. After a couple of weeks on them I was back in the gym training which is what I love. I starting feeling more confident to socialise with people and my sleeping has improved dramatically and so has my moods. Now I am not saying things have improved 100% because that would be telling fibs, I still have the odd one or two bad days but now I have coping strategies that I use to help me so I can “snap myself out of it” (Yes you can say that to yourself just not have other people tell you to snap out of it!” Some people may argue with me and say that the tablets are “psychological” and to be honest I simply reply that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Whether they are or not I don’t care, they are helping me and that’s the most important. When you’re on antidepressants you can’t just come of them, you have to be weaned of them I am hoping when I meet with my doctor this week that he will drop my dose and eventually be of them.

One thing that I told myself was that when I was ready to talk about my depression that I would become very vocal about it. I don’t want other people to feel like they have to suffer in silence like I did for a while because they are ashamed of been diagnosed with Depression. Depression isn’t a label and you should never judge people because they have mental health issues. It doesn’t mean they are sick or infectious it just means they may need a little support. 

I haven’t decided yet how I am going to get more people discussing mental health but I will!! The NHS website states that 90% of people in the UK that have committed suicide have mental health issues. (If anyone has any ideas – please let me know – you can contact me through my contact page)


Sammie xxx

Why did I call my Personal Training Business "Metamorphosis"??

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Why did I call my business "Metamporhosis" and choose the colour scheme turquoise and purple? The reason that I chose Metamorphosis as my name is pretty simple really. Some may say that it's cheesy but I each to their own! 

So the day I started my journey on Wednesday 6th Jan 2016, I joined a local Slimming World group and one of the things you have to do when you join is fill out a form and one of the questions it asks you is "Why you have joined?" I wrote that I wanted to go from a sad caterpillar to a happy butterfly. And that’s what I did. I was literally so unconfident I hated leaving the house, I hated the reflection I saw in the mirror and I desperately wanted my life to change.

 By April 2017 I'd got to my slimming world target weight of losing 3 stone, I really felt like a different person. I chose not to return to Slimming World after I'd got to my Slimming world target (more about that in anther blog) I went on to lose another 7lb reaching a total weight loss of 3.5stone and that was the turning point really of the whole journey. 

That's when I enrolled on my Personal Training course and that's when I felt like on the exteria I was at the right place. The butterfly was free. I know how scary it is when you commit to wanting to transform your body and to me Metamporhosis is good way to name that process. Because being that butterfly I felt beautiful and I felt free to spread my wings. Since losing my weight I have and am still doing stuff I would never have dreamed of before.  

So what's with my colour scheme? Why purple and turquoise? Well the purple is easy to explain - that's my favourite colour and come on a girl has to include her favourite colour, right? One of Pure Gym's main colours in their colour scheme is turquoise so it had to be included in my colour scheme. I bet your thinking that's because I work there and by thinking that you would be wrong. I chose turquoise yes because of Pure Gym but not because I now work at Pure Gym. Without Pure Gym I do not believe that I would be a Persnal Trainer. I believe that everything happens for a reason! When I joined Pure Gym Snowhill I hired a Personal Trainer called Craig, he helped me fall back in love with fitness and help me on the start of my gym journey. If I hadn't have joined Pure Gym I wouldn't have met Craig who was the one that introduced me to Pav (then assistant manager at Snow Hill Pure Gym) who encouraged me to also follow my ambition of training to be a PT and she was the one that introduced me to PT academy. So I had to include turquoise because hand on heart things might be very different now if a) I didn't join slimming world and start my journey off and b) join pure gym. 

 So whether I stay at Pure Gym forever or not, my colour scheme will always include the pure gym turquoise because I think it's important not to forget where you came from. 

Sammie xxx

Who Is Sammie?

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Who is Sammie? Should I read her blog? Of course I’m going to say yes, what’s the worst that can happen? You fall asleep with boredom? (Then you can read it before bed!) Take a chance!

Hey everyone! I’m Samantha though my friends call me Sammie never Sam - thats a boys name (thats what I used to tell everyone when I was little!) Im nearly 32, Im a scorpio. Oh and yes, I definitely do have sting in my tail from time to time!! I have a wonderful family which includes a fabulous sister and two brothers and our gorgeous pet chihuahua Lacie who I am sure will make her debut soon!!

I really enjoy baking- cupcakes are my favourite. I love the gym and all things fitness, I love eating (who doesn't?) I love Harry Potter and Disney but what I love most is helping people and this was the main reason for starting my blog. I wanted to share with you as many tips as I can- videos, fitness tips and my weight loss journey, as well as personal issues that I've had to deal with. I know through the last 22 months that I've been on my journey I've leant a lot from other people, however there have also been times that I've struggled with certain issues and feelings and I really wish that someone would have understood. Do you get me?

Over the last 22 months I have been on the most incredible weight loss journey. I have lost a grand total of 3.5 stone and I do feel amazing on the outside for it. Ive been through every emotion possible over that time. Ive had days where I've wanted to smash the scales with a hammer, I've had days where I’ve wanted to give in, I have had days where I've eaten nothing but crap! Though one important thing I've learnt is don't judge your journey by others!! Like many of you I’ve read lots of different blogs and different magazine articles over the years and often thought to myself one day I’d love to be a writer and I want to have my own website. Well I never though I’d actually be the one setting up my own website its so crazy how my life has changed in the last 22 months! I decided that after going on an incredible weight loss journey and losing three and a half stone that it was time to start my own blog.

My contact email is in a link to this website so if you want to contact me feel free, if you want me to blog about any specific subjects then just let me know and il’l do my best to blog about it. One thing for sure with my blog/website is there isn't any rules and won’t be. 

It will mainly focus on weight loss and fitness but it will be about other things too! However one thing is for sure it will always be honest and from the heart!


Sammie xxx

Why did i decide to get my personal training qualification

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I remember when the idea first came into my head about getting my personal training qualification. I’d only been at Pure Gym a few months and I decided to do some research on different courses I could enrol on. Oh my days there are soo many out there!! After spending a few weeks searching the internet for different courses, getting in touch with different companies and actually at that point thinking “I’ll never be able to do this or afford this!” The very next day I was in the gym on the treadmill when an announcement came on the TV about training to become a PT and if you are interested to speak to one of the team. I remember going into work that day and speaking to my friend Nisha and telling her about the announcement in the gym. She agreed that it was definitely a sign and that I should contact the gym. I said “Right i am going to email Pav and ask her about it!” Pav at the time was the Assistant Manager of the Gym and honestly one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. I emailed her that day and she arranged for me to meet her at the gym later that week. 

I met Pav a few days later and she was the one that introduced me to PT Academy. I called PT Academy the next day and I was delighted to hear that I only had to pay a small deposit upfront and the rest I could pay monthly with no extra cost. I actually came off the phone and cried happy tears, I had been so worried from a financial point of view that I wouldn't be able to do the course. So I was over the moon! And once again this was another sign that I was doing the right thing! The cherry on the cake was that I didn't have to give up my weekends or evenings to go to a class for the course, I could do it at home learner which meant it wouldn't affect my day job or take over my weekends. I was super excited.

Originally, Pav was going to be my course mentor. Unfortunately for me (at the time) she gained a promotion to General Manager so she explained that it wasn't fair to me to still be my mentor as she wouldn't be able to give me the time i needed. It was bittersweet for me - I was so happy for her, for getting her promotion, I mean the woman is AMAZING!! Though I’d be lying if I didn't say part of me was absolutely gutted and slightly worried about who was going to be my mentor!!! Though I didn't need to worry as my new assigned mentor Chris was an absolutely legend, he is so supportive and encouraging and honestly I couldn't have asked for a better mentor!

But why did i decide to sign up for the qualification? 

Joining Pure Gym in January this year was one of the best things I’ve ever done! In fact Pure Gym has changed my life! And no, I am not exaggerating one bit, it has helped to transform my body, helped build my confidence & now its changing my career and in turn, my life.

After falling in love with the gym to the point where I loved anything fitness! I knew in my gut the gym was where I wanted to be on a daily basis. A few weeks after I joined the gym I set myself a 12 week transformation challenge, I could not believe how much i had transformed my body in just 12 weeks!

(Pictures below)  

The way it made me feel on the outside was incredible and my insides were loving it too. I dropped just over a stone in weight, 4.5% body fat and I lost over 20cm across my bust, waist and hips! I couldn't believe the results! 

Seeing how I was able to transform my body made me passionate about helping others transform there’s too! For the last 22 months I’ve been on the most incredible journey. I’ve been through all the emotions, the ups, the downs and I know how scary the thought of joining a gym and wanting to lose weight is. I am prepared to give up a job I’ve been doing for 10 years to help others achieve their goals and body transformations. I want to share all the things I’ve learnt when it comes to nutrition and exercise. 
Emotionally I've been through them all! I’ve had days where I’ve wanted to smash the scales with a hammer, I've had days where I've eaten nothing but junk but one thing is for sure I've never given up. My mindset is now in a completely different place and when it comes to others, I couldn't be more positive. And I believe that ones of the best attributes  about me is I’ve been there, done that and got the t-shirt! So when my future clients say to me “I’m scared”, “I can’t”, “I want to give up”, “I need chocolate” I’ll be able to sympathise and help through my personal experiences.

I’m so excited that I am so close to being a qualified PT. I’m really looking forward to helping people 1:1 in the gym but also having the opportunity to help others, to help you reading this article! 
I described my journey as going from a sad caterpillar to a happy butterfly and I want to help more people transform into the happy, free butterfly that they are! I want to encourage them to be more positive, help them to lose weight, get fit and change their life, just like I did!

Sammie xxx


Is changing my career at 32 good or bad?

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Some of you may read this & think "Omg Sammie why are you giving up your job you've done for nearly 10 years at 32?" Well a simple reply - "Because you only get one life!" 
I absolutely love working at the Children's Hospital as it's a very special place to work. I've learnt so much, I've worked for some amazing surgeons and I've met some incredible people a long the way. I am definitely not leaving my hospital job because its an awful place to work! 

I am taking a chance! Living my life! I want to work with people, I want to help people transform their lives and turn their lives around like I did. Some people may argue and disagree with what I am about to say but I do believe that losing weight changed my life. If I was still 3.5 stone heavier I wouldn't be doing half the things I am doing now. For instance

  • I wouldn't be a qualified Personal Trainer 
  • I wouldn't have done my Nutritional Diploma 
  • I would't have gone on half the adventures I have done 
  • I wouldn't be proud of the person I see staring back at me 
  • Quite literally I think I'd still be sat at home miserable, overweight and glued to my TV, eating none stop! 

I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. I was meant to start my journey with Slimming world - if I hadn't have joined Slimming World and lost 2 stone i would never have joined the gym. If I hadn't have joined the gym, I wouldn't have met my old PT Craig who gave me the kick up the back side I needed to get motivated and to fall back in love with exercise. If I hadn't have met Craig then I wouldn't have met Pav (the assistant gym manager at the time) who introduced me to PT Academy and therefore I would have never started my Level 2 Fitness Instructor or Level 3 PT Course and no way would I have completed an extra Nutritional Course. It all links and even though it's been a huge decision it's been great. 
I would definitely be lying if I said there wasn't apart of me that was quite literally pooing my pants! However, there is a bigger part of me that is way too excited, the thought that I can help people achieve their goals and transform their bodies literally gives me butterflies in my stomach. 

So yes I may be 32 and putting all my savings into this. Leaving a job that I've been at for nearly ten years but wouldn't life be boring if we didn't take risks now and again. So for me I say HERE GOES!!! 

Sammie xxx

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Dealing with depression

Never judge a book by its cover! In June this year I was diagnosed with depression, sitting in front of your GP breaking down...